Anyone who’s been clued in to my activities over the past few years knows that I’m a slut for learning. I’ll take every and any opportunity available to listen to someone speak about their Thing, read every PDF synopsis of datasets or carefully-researched walkthrough on a niche subject where I think I may glean even one morsel of knowledge. One tiny tidbit of insight. Anything that I can bring into the fold of my awareness and apply to my work or understanding of the world.

It’s a bit of a problem, really.

Because what does one do with that knowledge, once it’s obtained? Have I been implementing what I have learned along the way? Nay; like a dragon on a pile of ancient books and scrolls, I’ve been hoarding it. Mine. Whether it’s compulsion or passion at this point I do not know. I simply am driven to learn. The more I learn, the more connections I can make between seemingly disparate concepts or topics; the more I understand.

It’s a habit I’ve been trying to break myself of this year, finally presented with the reality that if I do not put into practice what I learn, I’m simply distracting myself, dancing around my goals with the excuse of self-improvement; maybe this will be the morsel that lets everything else click into place… maybe this is the solution I’ve been seeking all that time.

Enter: XOXO Fest.

I almost attended the event in 2015, ending up sick just before the weekend. This year, attending what is billed as the final XOXO, I lament that occurrence even more. I think it could have changed my life. Because now, almost 10 years later, having attended an abridged version of the event, I am driven to act. That mysterious, intangible something has finally clicked; it’s almost like XOXO gave me permission, saying, actually, you are ready. Now go do.

The 3-day conference was not your usual event. In fact, only one day’s programming was even called a “conference”. The bulk of the XOXO experience was social, with a whole day of events blocked off for meetups, hangouts, and presentations on how veritably silly (and/or toxic) the internet has become. XOXO is people!! It’s literally the friends you made along the way. A Slack board handled most of the pre-event communications between attendees, with many people bragging in their intros about how many Fests they had attended. No, bragging is the wrong word: they were proud. I can see why.

Therein lies the only issue I can find with the event: after so many years of attracting repeat attendees, XOXO developed a self-referential culture of in-jokes and references and it seemed like everyone knew what was going on but me. And just like the first day at a new school, I was anxious leading up to the event. I had no idea what I was walking into, with a large portion of the weekend being self-managed time where attendees were encouraged to choose their own adventure without trying to do it all.

Right out the gate, I fell in with people I know. No, literally. No sooner had I passed through the gated entrance and picked up my badge did I hear a long-lost friend call my name. I hadn’t even collected a lanyard yet, my anxiety was riding high, and her greeting felt like a miracle. I do belong! I’m going to be okay. Thus began an avalanche of branching social circles, one person introducing me to two people, which led to amazing conversation, joined by another new person, evolving into this topic or that project, oh and did you meet so and so? Have you read this book? Watched this movie? I think you’d really like it. From being greeted by my friend at the opening party on Thursday night to leaving the closing party on Saturday night and finding myself in conversation with the stationed security guards who both happened to be from my home town… XOXO is people. Was people.

The biggest takeaway for me was not the speakers, nor the presentations. It was the solidarity. The recognition that we were all in this together. I can’t think of a single talk that was not itself a result of community and connection (or, in some cases, the corruption of community and the resulting disconnect). I do not recall another time where I felt so thoroughly surrounded by peers, people finding joy in their craft and peace in their creativity, be it for money or for fun or for the advancement of society. Everyone had something cool to talk about; everyone wanted to talk to you about your cool thing.

Actually, that is my biggest takeaway from the event: it was the first time in, well, ever, that I had people actively asking me questions about my work. People sought me out to talk about it. Learning what I do, they asked, “How can I help? I want to be involved in this.” Nobody’s offered to help me before. Sure, I’ve had friends casually say that I could reach out if I needed their help on something, maybe in a few months when it aligned better with their schedule, if it aligned with their personal ambitions. The people I met and talked with at XO saw the value in what I’m doing and wanted it to be in the world in a way that felt… selfless. That was humbling, in a way I’m still processing. My cup has never felt so full.

Leaving XO was hard, because I knew I was removing myself from that environment to return to spaces where I’m the one filling other people’s cups. I’m the one helping them. Now I carry those conversations with me like a chalice of Holy water from a sacred sea. I keep it on my desk. I put a small vial of it on a chain that I can wear close to my heart, a reminder of what’s out there, of what is possible. A sacred spell ingredient for what could be.

In the week following my first and last XOXO Fest, I’ve been busy. I registered a new domain name, and set up hosting and email. I signed up for a newsletter service, drafted welcome emails and templates. I got some payment processors in order, and set up a consultation with a business registration service. I’ve got a napkin-esque gameplan for the next few months on a project I’ve been working on for years, with ambitious claims of a 2025 release. And none of it feels daunting. After years of hoarding knowledge, I’m finally ready to implement. I have everything I need to get started, and the rest I can figure out along the way.

If you asked me to describe just what XOXO is as an event, I wouldn’t be able to give you any kind of concise answer. Part internet millennial homecoming, part tech industry meetup. The event describes itself as “an experimental festival for independent artists who live and work online.” But now I know the truth: XOXO is the secret sauce on the Delicious Burger of life.

XOXO was.

Was.

Now, it’s our turn. And we must appreciate everything, endlessly.

Thank you, XOXO. Thank you, Andy & Andy. Thank you. I can’t wait to look back in one, five, ten years, and to say, without a doubt, that XOXO changed my life.

Gallery

The Conference

Comings and Goings

Photowalk Meet-up

3D Shaky GIFs